i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
