Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
