i barfeds in our rink
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize