i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
