one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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