This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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