...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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