I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Swine flu. Run for my life!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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