I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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