That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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