Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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