Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
