I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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