I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
