remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize