And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
