It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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