No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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