Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There r osticjed everywhere
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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