Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
sex in a hospital.. check
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
