nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
