Betty ford says i'm here all night
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
