Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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