So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
