I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
