You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
