I am spending my child support on dildos
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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