If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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