My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
