i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
