Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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