I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize