I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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