I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
