we have officially lost it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
