it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
