i would punch a child for taco bell
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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