im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you inspire me to be a worse person
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
