if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
