jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
