All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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