Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
