The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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