Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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