watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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