I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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