non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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