I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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