i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
