Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
