you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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