so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
