I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
