Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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