I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
