woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
