I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
