i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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