I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
