I intend to get homeless drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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