I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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