i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
