her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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