Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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