Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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