I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
