By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
