We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
