UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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